Understanding Conflict

In deeply rooted conflict, we have tended to think about responding to conflict as primarily representing the task of finding creative solutions to difficult issues. More often than not however, the issues are merely a visible expression of things happening in the relationship. Issues come and go. Relationships go on even when beset by violence and distance. At least one set of authors suggested that if you fight over the same issue more than three times (with your spouse or a neighboring country) the fight is about the relationship not the issue. When we engage the relational aspects, we put ourselves square into the “root system.” We endeavor to see what is beneath the issue: To more explicitly and directly understand each other; see from the perception of the other; clarify what our hopes and fears are for the relationship; build trust; appeal for recognition, responsibility and accountability; and ultimately redefine our relationship…